Understanding the Metal Child
Metal children are the ultimate rule-followers. They thrive in a world that is fair and just, where everyone plays by the same rule book and no one is trying to game the system. If you explain to a Metal child precisely what behaviors are allowed, rarely will they step out of bounds. For the Metal kid, clarity and fairness provide a sense of security and give them the confidence to act without fear of being punished.
When a Metal child enters a new situation, they tend to take in the lay of the land and see how things work before engaging in the environment. They would be mortified if they made a social faux pas and everyone noticed. Because of their cautious approach, they can appear reluctant, shy, or even aloof to both children and adults. But the Metal kid just wants to understand the dynamic so they can figure out how they fit in. They do want to join in with the group, but they can be insecure when they believe others will misunderstand them, or when others do not observe the rules. But once they acclimate, they will often step up as reliable friends and staunch advocates for the kids who they think are being treated unfairly.
Under calm and steady circumstances, Metal children are pretty easy on their parents because they try not to disrupt the status quo. If you tell them what is expected of them, they will do their best to meet those expectations. In some ways, Metal kids can be handy deputies when adults aren’t around because they pay close attention to the rules and encourage the people around them to do the same. But in situations that are loud and chaotic, or when someone is flouting the rules, the Metal child can be thrown completely off balance.
Developmental Stage
Even at a young age, Metal children appear rational, logical, and “smart.” They want to be knowledgeable and informed, so they pay close attention to what’s going on around them; this applies to the physical world as well as to social interactions. Metal kids love puzzles because they’re good at figuring out how things work, and this gives them a boost to their self-esteem. The flip-side is, not being able to solve a problem can put them in a mood and bend them completely out of shape; they won’t easily give up, either, and will tune out the rest of the world until they’re satisfied.
Metal kids love predictability and may establish a routine for themselves even at a young age (“Wake up, feed dog, make bed, brush teeth….”). For them, process and structure are comforting, like a metronome maintaining the rhythm of their lives. This is why they can be thrown off by unexpected changes to plans. Creating a routine is like imposing rules on yourself, and they haven’t yet acquired the flexibility to know when it’s okay not to follow the rules – even the rules they made up! – which makes them seem overly rigid at times.
Metal Imbalances in Children
The war cry of a child with an excess of Metal is, “That’s not FAIR!” They tend to use rules as both sword and shield, clutching them protectively to their chest in times of uncertainty. Any deviation from the rules will cause them to cry foul, even when “breaking the rules” is the kind or generous thing to do.
I was a Metal kid, often imbalanced and fixated on following the rules. One summer I worked at a concession stand at the community pool where I’d serve all sorts of food, including snow cones. I’d carefully made a very pretty one for a little girl, when not long after she left, I heard a shriek and then crying. A man came running to my window and said, “I accidentally knocked a snow cone out of this kid’s hands, can you make another one?” I did it as quickly as I could because I knew how upset the girl must be. The man thanked me and ran off with the snow cone when I thought, “Hey, he’s not gonna pay for that one? That was his mistake, why should the stand pay for it?” (because there’s such a high cost for a bit of syrup and frozen water…).
Later that day, the same man came by and ordered a ton of food for his family. When he paid me, he said, “Here’s a tip, you’re so nice!” (I didn’t think I was being especially nice.) “I can’t take that,” I said (this was obviously long before our ubiquitous tipping culture took hold). “Sure you can!” he replied as he walked off with his snacks. Then my Metal brain thought, “Aha! I’ll take the tip money and use it to pay for the snow cone from earlier!” Yes, I know now that this is not how a normal, balanced child would think, but it is a reflection of the strict and exacting Metal child’s mind in action.
Kids with an excess of Metal will overlook the spirit of the law in favor of the letter of the law, and they’ll try to make everyone around them adhere to the rules. They can be pretty severe when it comes to rule enforcement. If it was up to them, there would be no such thing as “time off for good behavior”; mercy is not a virtue, it’s just another way of not following through with what you said you were gonna do. And if you make them choose between accommodating emotions or following the rules, they will choose the rules every single time.
When a child is Metal deficient, they can get overwhelmed by trying to understand all the rules they have to live by. Since rules give them a sense of security, a Metal kid doesn’t know how to move safely in the world when they don’t understand them all; they fear they will be punished without knowing why. When a child is Metal deficient, they might isolate themselves to avoid committing any infractions, or they can be cutting or sarcastic as a defense mechanism when they do have to interact with others.
Parenting Metal Children
Parenting a Metal child starts and ends with being consistent with them. Since order and predictability are critical to making a Metal child feel secure, tell them explicitly about how the world works and answer all the detailed questions they may have. Explain that there are many different ways to approach life, so the “rules” for them may not be the same “rules” for everyone (this is a tough one for the Metal child to process!).
If you show the Metal child how rules can be open to interpretation and that not everything is black and white, they will learn to be slower to judge. There is a difference between justice and the law, which you can begin to discuss with them by saying something like, “Some rules aren’t fair or good. How should we act when we know a rule isn’t right? How can we expect others to act?” Teach them the value of not blindly obeying – and enforcing – all rules, and that life should be infused with love and gentleness. Then build them up to feel good about understanding the bigger picture, including the contexts of emotions and forgiveness, goodness, and mercy.
The amount of attention to give your Metal child is a tricky balance. Because they prefer to observe what goes on rather than immediately jumping in, it’s easy to overlook them when they’re laying low; if you focus on them too much, they can feel like they’re being interrogated or criticized for not doing something right. Metal kids want to see how they fit into the order of things; they want to be praised for what they do right (unsurprising since they love words of affirmation), and are able to accept criticism if they do wrong.
Metal kids are sensitive to chaos of any sort, whether it comes from a disorganized environment, interruptions while they’re in the middle of a task, or people who are forceful and disruptive. In this last case especially, parents need to keep an eye on them so that they don’t get run over by kids with excess Wood or Fire, since Metal kids don’t have the natural propensity to fight back. As long as parents appreciate that the sensitivity of their Metal child is not a weakness, and is just a part of the maturation process, they will grow strong enough not to recede in challenging situations, and will be able to rise to any occasion.
