Happiness is Not Hedonism
Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. If you agree with Thomas Jefferson, these are unalienable rights endowed on us by our Creator. But what did he really mean by happiness? Jefferson was an interesting man with certain sensual proclivities, but I don’t disagree with him in principle – it just depends on how you define happiness.
In today’s world, we seem to have very little consensus on what it means to be happy. Ask a hundred different people what they think happiness is, and you’ll get a hundred different answers. Some people think happiness is a state of euphoria, excitement, giddiness, and other high-intensity “feel-good” emotions, while others think of happiness as peace, calm, contentedness, and feelings of emotional stability. There are even some people who consider themselves happy so long as they’re not actively suffering!
When I told a friend that I was working on a blog on how to achieve happiness, she was dubious. “Yeah, I know a lot of people who are always looking for happiness: they’re partying on boats, going on vacations, buying lots of nice things, but you know what? They’re never happy for very long. They’re constantly chasing the next high, over and over, and it never stops. They’re doing a lot to be happy, so why are they still unhappy?”
“Because happiness isn’t hedonism,” I replied reflexively. OOH! I was so surprised by my own answer that I made a mental note: Is this even true? Possible future blog post.
I got lucky: my friend didn’t make me fully explain this yet-unvetted assertion. But to quote Nicole Kidman’s character in A Family Affair, “Why do I write? To find out what I think about things I don’t understand.” So let’s find out.
What is Hedonism?
My moralistic upbringing makes me reflexively recall at least four of the seven deadly sins when I think of the word hedonism (arguably all of them!), but morality is a complicated topic, one that Traditional Chinese Medicine tends to keep its nose out of. So how do we begin our exploration of hedonism without moralistic prejudice? We love a good dictionary definition, so let’s try there:
he·don·ism
/ˈhēdnˌizəm,ˈhēdəˌnizəm/
noun
the pursuit of pleasure; sensual self-indulgence.
In philosophy, the ethical theory that pleasure (in the sense of the satisfaction of desires) is the highest good and proper aim of human life.
Similar:
indulgence, pleasure-seeking, self-gratification, lack of self-restraint, immoderation, overconsumption, extravagance, sensualism
Opposite:
self-restraint
Sensual pleasure. Satisfaction of desires. Self-indulgence. Overconsumption. Let’s take a closer look at these hallmarks of hedonism.
Pleasure and Happiness
If you’re waiting for us to jump up and somehow say that pleasure doesn’t bring happiness, it’s not gonna happen – of course it does! Pleasure is a sensorial experience that has to do with the Fire element. Any of our senses can bring pleasure: the firm but gentle touch of a Swedish massage, the sumptuous taste of a Michelin-star meal, the sight of a perfect cherry blossom tree, the sweet and salty smell of ocean air, the sound of the opening bars of Biggie’s “Hypnotize” – can all get the senses tingling. Simply put, they make us happy.
“But those feelings are so fleeting! How can they be true happiness if they’re so short-lived?” I asked Erna.
“Who ever said that happiness is not fleeting?” she countered. “You can’t be in ecstasy all the time. You have to come out of a spell of laughter. Why would it be a good thing to have one kind of pleasure and stay there all the time?” As usual, Erna makes some very valid points. Staying in one state forever is static, but life is dynamic. Feelings of happiness are fleeting, but that’s okay – you just have to remember them. Remembering the times you experienced pleasure reminds you of how to recreate those feelings in the future.
I thought back to my friend’s friends, the ones who she said never achieved lasting happiness no matter how many sensual pleasures they pursued. I can only imagine that either they got stuck on a repetitive diet of the same pleasures, and therefore experienced the law of diminishing returns; or they were partaking in things that were highly regarded as pleasurable by others but that were not particularly enjoyable to them (no matter how many times someone tells me sea cucumbers are a delicacy, I will never enjoy them). No matter what, if you don’t take the time to notice the positive sensorial stimuli around you – literally smell the roses – they’re not going to bring you happiness.
Hedonism and Me-Me-Me!
Another feature of hedonism is its focus on the self, as in self-indulgence and self-gratification. Based on these definitions, hedonism sounds like a very selfish way to live, which isn’t very fun. Think about some of the most sensorially satisfying experiences you’ve ever had. Did you experience them alone, or were you with someone whose companionship you enjoyed? Watching the sun set into the Pacific Ocean is amazing, but it’s that much more brilliant when shared with good company.
That’s the paradoxical thing about love and the Fire element: the more love you share, the more there is for everyone. Sharing your inner Fire doesn’t reduce it, instead it makes it multiply, and this holds true for sharing sensorial pleasures with other people as well. For example, I love fresh cut flowers and will sometimes indulge in getting some for myself, but it’s not nearly as lovely as receiving them from someone else. Even better yet is the happiness I feel in giving someone flowers and seeing how much they enjoy the beauty. The happiness that flowers bring is multiplied when you share them.
If you’re still not convinced that sensorial pleasures are better when shared with other people… (we’re all adults here…) sex is MUCH better when shared with someone you love and will result in infinitely more happiness than if you undertake it as a solo activity. Happiness is multiplied when enjoyed with someone you love (or even just like), which is why self-centered hedonism creates little happiness in comparison.
When you explore the philosophy of hedonism, which asserts that pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain are moral imperatives, a focus on the self can be downright destructive to society. If your pleasure should be prioritized and your pain avoided, then how do we account for the social costs of your behavior? If this philosophy has any chance of working, other people beyond the self must be taken into consideration.
Hedonism, the Snake Brain, and Overconsumption
We often talk about the Snake Brain and how it helps us to survive dangerous situations, but so far we haven’t said much about another critical function it serves: to secure sustenance. The Snake Brain functions on pattern recognition when seeking sustenance just as it does when avoiding danger. To the Snake Brain, actions that help us to survive are good and we should keep doing them.
When we act in a way that supports our survival, our Snake Brain gives us that surge of dopamine that feels so good. This isn’t inherently bad! On the contrary, those good feelings are what motivate us to continue to do things that keep us alive. The problem occurs when our Snake Brain gets hijacked and stuck on loop: “Food is good, so more food is better. Sex is good, so more sex is better. Rest is good, so more rest is better” You get the picture.
This is how hedonism manifests itself as immoderation and overconsumption, and when you’re no longer able to control doing, taking, or using something to the point where it can be harmful to you, then you’ve waded into the waters of addiction. The hijacked Snake Brain does not understand that there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Happiness doesn’t come from following impulses, and it definitely does not come from following compulsions.
When things are working normally and the Snake Brain hasn’t been hijacked, what should happen is that the Snake Brain registers a need, seeks fulfillment, and goes back to neutral. In other words, it goes from baseline (zero), to needing sustenance (negative), then back to baseline (zero) after its need is met. While there is a net positive, fulfilling a survival need doesn’t actually result in moving beyond baseline, it only provides the relief of no longer being in the negative. This is the lowest bar there is for “being happy”: not needing anything (which is still not bad).
Conclusion
Hedonism seems to be the perfect philosophy to pick and choose from if you want to attain (some) happiness: keep the sensual pleasures, discard the selfishness, steer clear of overconsumption, and you might end up okay.
But let’s keep in mind that the Fire element only provides certain types of happiness, and there are four other elements that we can also mine for happiness. Stay tuned for future posts on the happinesses that come from being balanced in the Earth, Metal, Water, and Wood elements.
