Happinesses

“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” So begins Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, but does it then stand to reason that all happy people are alike, and each unhappy person is unhappy in her own way?

This question came up as Erna and I sat at our favorite coffee bar one afternoon. “Actually, there are five types of happiness….”

Wait, what? Five types of happiness??

Sort of. When we feel a positive emotion, we usually put it under the broad banner of “happiness.” But since we’re talking Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) theory, it turns out each of the Five Elements – Earth, Metal, Water, Wood, Fire – has a corresponding type of happiness associated with it. When we are balanced in that element, a feeling of happiness arises, and the more consistently we stay balanced, the more that feeling develops and evolves into something greater: happiness becomes bliss.

Earth

Let’s take, for example, the Earth element. As you know, Earth has to do with caring for and being cared for by others. When this care cycle works, when it’s balanced, you get a feeling of satisfaction. Your needs are fulfilled, or you help meet someone else’s need, and that gives you satisfaction. That is the first type of happiness. When you are satisfied, you know that enough has been done, there is no more action necessary, and you can have a well-earned rest. This feeling comes at the completion of each Care Cycle.

The more Care Cycles you participate in and complete, you start to get the feeling of belonging because you belong to a group or community who is consistently there for each other. As you maintain those feelings of belonging, you then develop the feeling of safety, because you know your tribe is there for you, and you won’t be thrown out of their midst. If you have a problem, they will be there to help you through it, as they have consistently been. Safety is one of the highest forms of happiness because then your snake brain doesn’t easily get triggered, as it does in a lot of cases because it doesn’t feel safe. Having a balanced Earth element produces satisfaction and, over time, belonging, and safety.

Metal

The element of Metal’s function is to create order. When your Metal is balanced, life feels smooth. You are prepared to face people and situations in a way that allows you to navigate around conflict. You’re able to look at a situation, analyze it, and understand the rules at play. You’re happy to play by those rules, and it’s important to you that others abide by these rules as well. This type of happiness is called harmony. When you live long enough in harmony, then your happiness takes on the higher form of trust. You trust that the world works in a certain way that is both clear and just.

Water

Water is related to having a sense of purpose and is closely tied to spirituality and the divine. It creates the feeling of being an integral part of something much bigger than ourselves (this comes more naturally to some than to others, so don't worry if it takes a minute to process).

In TCM, each being gets our Qi (our life force) before we are born. We emerge, go through life, mature, create and define what is essential to our individual being, and then die and disperse back into the universe. We’re all made up of tiny molecules having biochemical and enzymatic reactions, all of which in concert make up our bodies. As individuals, we are also a part of families, communities, societies, and nations that we interact with and contribute to. You can push this line of thinking even farther, to the earth, through space and galaxies, and even the vastness of the universe. You are a part of all of that. If this makes sense to you, and you feel how within this is your purpose, your water is calm and in balance.

When you observe and gain more awareness and understanding that, though you are a tiny part of the universe, you are integral and indispensable, then the deep feeling of awe arises. As you appreciate how your purpose fits into the larger picture, your feelings of awe then begin to evolve into enlightenment.

Wood

Wood is the element of power. When our Wood is balanced, we’re able to move in the direction we want towards achieving our goals. In order to do this, there are two requirements: we must be able to define our goals (not as easy as one might think in a world where so many people are adrift); and we have to know our own strengths so we can create a plan to achieve those goals. When we’re faced with obstacles, we go over, under, around, or through them without force, not letting them derail us from what we ultimately want to achieve.

When we finally reach our goal, we feel the happiness of success, one of the most tangible forms of happiness. We have actualized our potential and we feel powerful. The more often we’re able to exercise our power, evidenced by consistently setting new goals and meeting them, we then graduate to the higher feeling of self-esteem.

Fire

Finally, Fire is the element of love. Loving is the intense act of swirling around someone or something in an attempt to be as near to them as possible or to melt with the object of your love. Your focus is completely fixed on them, and you immerse yourself while acutely looking for reactions. This immersion can happen with music or work or another person. You want to become one with the object of your love through action, like creating art or playing sports or engaging in a relationship or having sex. And as new life results from sex, new pieces of art or technology are created through loving immersion.

We feel joy while we engage in the act of creating, and enjoy what we’ve created. When we have a lot of joy in our lives, we fill life with so much love that nothing can disturb that. That gives us the bliss of equanimity.

Conclusion

Everyone can be happy in a different way, and even if you’re not happy in ALL the ways, it’s likely there is still happiness in your life. Developing a language around these different types of happiness is important because then we can think about where we can strive for balance, and where we can develop even more sustained happiness, happiness in its highest forms.