Elemental Imbalances
Ah, the happiness and bliss that result from being elementally balanced! We’re cared for (Earth), there’s order in our world (Metal), we have a sense of purpose (Water), we’re striving for our goals (Wood), and there’s love in our lives (Fire). All is well with the universe!
But what does it look like when our elements aren’t so well-balanced? Unsurprisingly, we feel off-kilter. Dysregulated. Unhappy. And unfortunately, there are so many ways to be unhappy.
From a Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) perspective, imbalance can happen in either direction: you can have an elemental excess, or you can have an elemental deficiency. But just like every other yin and yang relationship, these imbalances go in a circle and not on a spectrum – somehow if you become so imbalanced in one direction, you might find yourself also wildly imbalanced in the other (it’s a globe and not a map, remember?).
While talking about imbalances and unhappiness all sounds like such a downer, I promise, there will be a payoff! Because once we learn to recognize what element is imbalanced and in which direction, we can begin to work on how to bring ourselves back into balance. So let’s talk about what happens when we become imbalanced in each of the elements.
Earth
Earth is the element of care, and balanced Earth is what compels you to care for others, to give them nourishment and sustenance, both materially and emotionally.
Earth Excess
When people have an excess of Earth, they create a landslide. All of their help, caring, and well-meaning affect us like a bulldozer, and we feel buried by what should be good. As we describe in the Care Cycle, an important condition for the giver is that they must give the right amount of what is needed. This might be the biggest violation of the CareCycle that someone with an excess of Earth commits: they give too much, it becomes overwhelming.
I have a friend whose mother is obsessed with toilet paper and orange juice. When she was growing up during a war, these two things made her feel secure, like everything would be fine as long as she had a supply. Every time my friend expected a visit from her mother, she would stock her house with massive quantities of Charmin and OJ as a way of conveying to her mom that she was okay, that she was taken care of. Of course her mom would come over, see the supplies, and insist on going back to Costco to stock her up even more! There was no arguing with her mother, my friend was just going to end up with a fridge full of juice and a garage filled with at least a year’s worth of toilet tissue for her family whether she liked it or not.
Moms aren’t the only ones susceptible to excess Earth; dads can do it, too! When I moved into my house, my extremely protective father came over and installed locks on all of my doors. And I don’t mean just one lock, I mean at least TWO locks on every door leading to the exterior (sometimes more); he even installed locks on interior doors to the bedrooms! And as his pièce de résistance, he had a home security system installed. I love the protectiveness of fathers, but his overprotectiveness started making me feel afraid in my perfectly safe home and neighborhood. All these years later, it’s still a production leaving the house and getting back in because of his security measures.
Earth Deficiency
When people are Earth deficient, they are as lacking in nourishment and sustenance as a desert. An Earth-deficient person does not think about what they can give to others, only what they can get. They simply do not have what is needed, either for themselves or to give to others.
An Earth deficiency often starts showing as a weakening of a person’s organizational skills. As the imbalance worsens, their behavior can begin to oscillate between being loud and egotistic, to being whiny and begging. I’m reminded of a family Thanksgiving potluck my dad’s younger sister hosted years ago. She graciously invited another family she knew because they didn’t seem to have anywhere else to spend the holiday. Since it was a potluck, everyone was expected to bring food, but we knew there would be an abundance – it was Thanksgiving, after all. This family said they would show up with a show-stopping Peiking duck! Everyone was excited for this rare treat.
Families began to arrive and we were all having a good time, but there was no sign of my aunt’s friends. It was alright, there was plenty of food to go around for everyone. Halfway through dinner, this family appeared bearing a styrofoam takeout container with just a few pieces of duck, including the inedible head and neck! Clearly it had been picked over by the time they’d arrived. We were all full by this time, so no one really helped themselves to the duck remnants. As this family was getting ready to leave the gathering, they not only packed up their untouched styrofoam container, they pulled out extra tupperware containers they’d brought to the party to take home leftovers! This lack of generosity or concern for caring for other people is clearly indicative of an Earth deficiency.
Earth deficiencies can also present as demands from people to take care of them, or to be responsible for their emotional wellbeing. This is like the mother who tells her college-age daughter, “You need to be home by sunset. I just can’t rest thinking you’re out there when it’s dark. Why would you make me worry?” Guilt trips are a signature move for people with Earth imbalances.
Metal
Metal is the element of order, of good judgment and fairness, and of stability. Metal is the element of harmony between people, because balanced Metal allows you to respect people’s boundaries as well as the broader social rules.
Metal Excess
A person with an excess of Metal is the judgmental, pedantic, nit-picker who compulsively points out every infraction they observe and demands restitution. This might be the kid on the playground who tattles because someone took an extra turn on the swings, or the person who points out that you have 11 items in your basket at Trader Joe’s when you’re standing in the 10 items or less line and demands you move.
While you might rightfully find a person with an excess of Metal exhausting, the frightening thing is they can also be dangerous. Take, for example, the lawyer who gets criminals’ charges dropped on technicalities, or cops who selectively enforce laws in order to harass certain groups. People like this only care about the letter of the law, they have no consideration for the spirit of the law, or they use the law to advance their own ends. Their exacting approach is ready to cut you down when they decide you need to be cut down.
Internally, when a person’s Metal is excessive, their naturally healthy boundaries can become impenetrable walls. They become very isolated because they see aggression and danger everywhere around them; it can be a very lonely existence because they cut off the friends they have and don’t let anyone new into their lives. (I’d give an example of how this plays out in real life, but I’ve been cut out of my friend’s life who has an excess of Metal, so I don’t actually know what happens next.)
Emotionally, they will try to enforce social conventions as if they are the law (“I can’t believe you let your kids eat fast food instead of cooking them warm, organic meals from home – that’s irresponsible parenting!”). And forget about forgiveness, they can hold a grudge like nobody else. When a person has an excess of Metal, apologies are worthless; what they want is retribution.
Metal Deficiency
When a person is Metal deficient, they won’t do things because the world outside of their boundaries feels unpredictable and therefore threatening. Their boundaries are so flimsy and penetrable that they isolate themselves from others. They cannot stand conflict because even the most benign confrontation could cross their boundaries. This is one of those instances where an excess and deficiency of an element manifest in the same behavior, but for different reasons. Both excessive and deficient Metal can cause people to pull away from others, one because their boundaries are too rigid and the other because they have no boundaries. In both cases, everyone is seen as a threat and denied access.
To a Metal deficient person, the world is an ungovernable place where the lines of right and wrong are blurred. They don’t know how to harmonize with the outside world because the rules of engagement haven’t been clearly defined. They try to create order, but because their decision-making is impeded and their thought processes fragmented, they create inflexible rules and become obsessive-compulsive. The world is a cacophony of behaviors that surprise and overwhelm the Metal deficient person which they cannot control.
Water
Water is the element of calm, of purpose. When your water is balanced, your deep introspection helps you to understand your place in the larger picture, and you are committed to the common good.
Water Excess
An excess of Water can be particularly difficult to watch in the people you know because you see a person who is usually so even-keeled, so steady, all of a sudden expressing very extreme ideas. The philosopher, the deep thinker, goes off the deep end and has an existential crisis: either nothing matters and nothing is important, because we’re just specks of dust in the greater cosmos anyway (they become a nihilist); or they become the center of the universe because they are much more important and special than the plebians (they become an elitist). People with an excess of Water can become religious fanatics fixated on the idea that the only thing that counts is the afterlife, or martyrs who sacrifice themselves for the perceived common or greater good. Either way, their Water becomes a tsunami.
Erna watched this happen to a friend’s mother, a Polish refugee during World War II. She escaped to Germany with her daughter, where she did her best to acclimate to a new society and a new life. Her husband, who was a soldier in the war, was one of the last prisoners to be released – ten years after the end of the war! He rejoined his family in Germany, but he couldn’t reintegrate into society. He was so broken. One day, he couldn’t take it anymore and he committed suicide, which completely changed his wife. She was doing okay until then, but after that she became a religious fanatic and joined a cult. She would hand out Bibles to everyone on the street and yell at them that they were going to go to Hell if they didn’t repent. Her excess Water overwhelmed her and she was never the same. It was very sad to watch.
Water Deficiency
Water deficiency, on the other hand, is characterized by murkiness: murkiness of thought, murkiness of feeling. Nobody can see into this person’s depths and nobody can see their own reflection on its surface. When a person is Water deficient, they lack meaning in their lives because they’ve lost sight of their purpose; their calm has turned into detachment. With no firm goals, they become shortsighted and their development of new ideas is impeded.
A good example of this is people who get fully immersed in fantasy worlds. Whether it’s Star Trek, Harry Potter, or some alternate universe, this world that doesn’t exist becomes their reality; they can’t see that it’s flat and two-dimensional and is completely detached from the real world.
I wondered how this is different from the fantasy world that Fire kids can live in. It turns out, it’s not different just because they’re not children anymore, it’s because people with Fire create their own fantasy, they don’t step into someone else’s. They make their worlds, or they add and continue to build upon other people’s ideas, they don’t just accept the universe that someone else has created.
People with Water deficiency lose their compass and will lazily follow the direction set by someone else, because that deep thinking and search for wisdom that drove their purpose is completely stagnant.
Wood
The element of Wood encourages power, growth, and expansion. Wood allows you to envision a future you want to create, and gives you the motivation and confidence to pursue your goals.
Wood Excess
When a person has an excess of Wood, they try to do too much; this results in a log jam of projects, none of which end up making good progress. They have grandiose plans and will use people to accomplish them, but their leadership is distorted: instead of inspiring, they manipulate; instead of exercising functional confrontation, they instigate intrigue. And if you dare to ignore them, they will push themselves on you until you acknowledge them. People with an excess of Wood become intrusive and impertinent with others. They can be outright tyrannical not for the common good, but for their own benefit.
Think of someone who starts multiple companies and wants to run them all as their founder, chairman, CEO, CTO, product architect, owner, and president. These are people who impulsively acquire companies for more than they’re worth, then fire its employees as a cost-cutting measure. When they are rightfully criticized for being spread too thin, that they’re not able to fulfill all of their commitments, they lash out at their critics and take revenge if possible. This is exactly the type of behavior you can expect from someone with an excess of Wood: hyperactivity, impulsivity, bluster, and aggression.
People with an excess of Wood love power play and will abuse power if given the chance. They are sore losers and they love revenge. In summary, they’re violent. They always want to be on the top, right beside the wealthy and powerful.
Wood Deficiency
People with Wood deficiency are the worn out version of Wood excess: they always have something in the works but never accomplish anything; they make other people do things because they’re too spent to do it themselves; they have no real drive and no ability to grow. Unlike the confident person with balanced Wood, or even the arrogant person who has Wood excess, the Wood deficient person is timid and cowardly and won’t take the slightest risk. They hide behind those who are stronger so they can bask in their reflected glory, and blame others for their own lack of success.
Erna once knew a young, high-flying executive. She was only in her 40s, and she always made a lot of money. She had some health problems and took a hiatus. When she went back into the workforce, she was able to resume her career because of her confident demeanor and how much experience she had. But when it came to making actual decisions and bravely moving her team forward, she was very indecisive and she tried to weasel out of doing anything. She had one person in her department who had been there for a long time and knew everything, so she asked that colleague what to do. She took the advice this person gave her and presented it as her own. If something didn’t go right, she never took responsibility or corrective actions, she would just blame the people around her and stab them in the back. This is how people with a Wood deficiency behave: like cowards.
Fire
Fire is the element of love and joy. When your Fire element is balanced, you are fun and full of life, and everyone wants to be near your warmth.
Fire Excess
When a person has an excess of Fire, you’d be smart to watch out, or you risk getting burned. In people with an excess of Fire, all the most charming qualities become distorted: conversation turns into meaningless word salad; friendliness becomes flirtation; charisma changes to seduction; enthusiasm morphs into grandiosity. They can sweet-talk you into doing something you may later regret; their consuming fire can make their priorities your emergencies because wildfires have no boundaries. People with an excess of Fire can capture your attention and your compassion by being dramatic, and because they are also empathetic, they know exactly how to push your buttons into getting what they want.
Excess Fire makes me think of an American actress who married the most eligible bachelor in his entire country. She talked him into uprooting himself and moving to her hometown so that she could pursue her priority of “financial independence.” She captured his attention by emulating his late mother, from wearing her signature perfume on their first date, to dressing in near-identical outfits she’d been photographed in. And when the actress claimed to face the same threats to her safety as her late mother-in-law, it’s like a flame was lit under her husband to protect his bride at all costs! He would give up family, friends, and life as he knew it to bask in the warmth of her flame.
Someone with an excess of Fire is capable of more than seducing individuals, they can seduce people in the political arena as well and become demagogues. The best example of this is Adolf Hitler. He could stand in a stadium in front of ten thousand people and pose the question, “Do you want total war?” As one, they screamed, “Yes, yes, yes!” Unbelievable! Try that on the street: ask someone, “Hey, do you want total war?” They’ll call 9-1-1 for an involuntary mental health intervention on the spot.
Fire Deficiency
When a person is Fire deficient, they come off as ashen both in appearance and in demeanor. The Fire within that fostered empathy has faded; they can’t feel themselves, nevermind feeling someone else. They are burned out, bored, and boring.
When Erna was in acupuncture school, there were two women in her class whom she liked, and they once invited her to their house two blocks away from the school. This was in the coastal California city of Santa Cruz, and their house was like a palace, situated right on the edge of a cliff. These two women were obviously doing their schoolwork and they were intensely committed to their patients, but nothing about them stood out. So Erna was astonished when she got to their house and they lived in a manor!
Then she heard their story: the two women were a couple, and the owner of the estate was the more subdued of the two. She was a former actress, but she was the most boring person. She had acted in quite a popular TV series, and even though Erna knew the series, she could not recognize her. She had been a famous actress earning a ton of money, but to keep up with the lifestyle, she became addicted to cocaine. And then she burned out. She nearly killed herself with the cocaine, so she had to quit. She wanted to study Chinese medicine to begin a new career.
But in acupuncture school, all she projected was the ashenness, the burnout. She never talked with enthusiasm about Chinese medicine. She was nice to her patients, but the patients were always a little bit put off because they could not really feel what she was saying. That is deficient fire, or burnout: people are no longer sparkly or warm, they can't bring themselves to be enthusiastic or passionate about anything. Her relationship with her partner was strained as well because she was so faded. It affects everything in your life.
Conclusion
Hopefully this has given you an idea of what the elemental imbalances look like, and maybe you even thought of people you know that have certain imbalances as you were reading this. When you’re unhappy, it’s important to recognize where the imbalance is coming from so that you can take the correct measures to bring yourself back into balance.
