Romantic Pairings: Similar Partners

Now that you understand a little about your romantic style based on your Element, you might be wondering whether you and your partner make a good match. Or maybe you’re single and looking for a partner, and you want to know if someone's Element should be a part of your selection criteria.

There are no rules around which elements make the best couples — though individuals certainly have their own preferences — but each pairing does have a unique dynamic. Here are some romantic pairings between similar partners (known in Traditional Chinese Medicine as Ke pairings) and the dynamics you can expect:

Wood + Fire

Wood and Fire make a very exciting and surprisingly durable pair. Larger-than-life Wood is the perfect fuel for Fire’s beauty and shine, and the growth of one only enhances the other. This pairing is like the successful CEO with the trophy spouse: both definitely want the other to be their best self, not just for the individual’s benefit, but for their own glorification as well.

This couple can make others feel like outsiders to their world when they’re together. They have a very volatile way of being around each other and they often like to fight, even in front of others (usually it’s Fire that eggs Wood on, like the fairytale princess who makes the knight in shining armor fight the ferocious dragon). While the people around them feel like they’re witnessing something private that they probably shouldn’t be seeing, neither Wood nor Fire even notices as they are fully consumed with each other.

As parents, they can be a bit of a mismatch: Wood wants to challenge their kids and push them out of the nest to fly, while Fire melds too much of their identity with the kids, defining themselves by their children’s achievements and living vicariously through them.

Potential pitfall: Both Wood and Fire have a very loose idea of fidelity, which actually creates a very strong connection with each other. But once that fidelity is broken, all hell breaks loose. These two definitely need to keep their sex lives straight.

Fire + Earth

Fire and Earth make a fun pairing: the warm and fuzzy Fire with the soft and fussy Earth are hard not to enjoy. When you go to their house, it’s very much a reflection of their Elements. Expect for them to serve you your favorite tea (of course Earth has a massive selection for you to choose from) in a stunning — and probably very expensive — Japanese tea pot that is equal parts useful and work of art.

Kids raised by the Fire and Earth couple are little baby sparks going out into the world. They’re friendly and popular, always invited to playdates and birthday parties because they’re so joyful and likable and fun to be around. Be careful, though, that the kids don’t get trapped in their parents’ orbit.

This couple doesn’t fight when they’re balanced: one is caring, the other is warm, and it’s lovely to be around them. Earth adores Fire and takes care of them; Fire makes Earth glow with such warmth that it’s easy to give out care. For this couple, money will be in service of loving kindness. When they are blessed, “Your hands will always overflow with gold but gold will never have dominion over you.”

Potential pitfall: Money can present a hurdle with this couple, particularly if Earth curtails Fire’s expenditures on beauty. Fire can indulge in extraneous things that serve no function, which can make Earth crazy.

Earth + Metal

Earth and Metal were probably set up by their friends because “You’re so similar!” On the surface, they seem to have the same strengths: Metal loves to create order and Earth is an excellent organizer. Metal will design the perfect Thanksgiving meal, from the menu to the seating arrangement; Earth will execute Metal’s plans with generous abundance. Children of this union will reap the best of both worlds, with Earth meticulously caring for the kids while Metal teaches them to be refined and polished.

When it comes to friends and social circles, to Earth, every acquaintance is a “good friend” and all are welcome to the cookout. Metal, on the other hand, can be very selective about who they bring into their inner circle and will only invite guests to a party after carefully considering whether they will mesh well.

Earth and Metal can be a slightly complicated pairing if they are out of sync. Earth is steady and consistent and never stops because they’re focused on keeping things running; Metal has an end goal and will stop once their goal has been achieved. Earth’s motto is more-is-more, while Metal is about having just the right amount of just the right thing. When this bleeds into finances, this can cause friction as Earth wants to accumulate money while Metal is only concerned that there’s enough to live the life they want.

Potential pitfall: Earth and Metal have inherently different values when it comes to money, with one focused on acquiring it and the other focused on allocating it. This couple should figure out how to keep these priorities from conflicting in reality, even when they have differences theoretically.

Metal + Water

Metal and Water are a brilliant pair. No, really, their love for knowledge is what binds them together: Metal loves to acquire knowledge so they can apply it directly to improving their lives, while Water wants to understand how this knowledge fits into the greater scheme of the universe. This couple can be found together at a bookstore talking animatedly about their wish lists and recommendations, or at the museum geeking out about some esoteric fact they just discovered. Even though their motivations may be different, both are highly inquisitive and enthusiastic learners.

When they get out of their heads and into the grind of daily life, the Metal and Water couple can have their share of hurdles. Pragmatic Metal wants to apply their knowledge, while philosophical Water wants to distill wisdom from it. Metal wants to create a plan, particularly where the future is concerned, while Water prefers to go with the flow. When they apply their disparate styles to parenting, they can end up with kids who feel like they’re pulled in two different directions by parents who are equally convinced that their way is the right way. But when things are balanced and going smoothly, their children will benefit from the reliability of their Metal parent and the unfailing support of their Water parent.

Potential pitfall: When both Metal and Water become rigid and uncompromising at the same time, they can end up in a dogmatic stalemate.

Water + Wood

Balancing Water and Wood is not an easy feat, but they can have a very successful long-term relationship. Water and Wood are not an obvious pairing – what with Water’s steadiness and calm up against Wood’s constant growth and activity – but the thing they have in common is endurance and perseverance. Water can feel Wood’s power and has admiration for people who make things happen; Wood values Water’s tenacity, resilience, and staying power.

As the more action-oriented partner, Wood usually takes the lead, but Water can provide Wood with wisdom and a moral compass. Water sees Wood’s potential and wants them to dream big, but to underpin it with a vision and develop their leadership skills for good (think Aristotle and Alexander the Great, but romantic). Water sometimes has to rein in Wood if they attempt to do something underhanded or potentially dangerous for somebody, which is especially difficult because the last thing Wood wants is to be told what to do.

Water and Wood’s kids can thrive from the praise and encouragement of Wood, added to the unwavering support of Water. They might, however, also feel stuck between one parent who says, “This is what you have to do,” and the other one who tells them, “Anything is possible, you can do whatever you want.”

Potential pitfall: Wood may perceive Water to be immovable and unfeeling, but even though Water has a very understated demeanor, they still need to be paid attention to sometimes. Wood may ignore Water in favor of someone more attractive or exciting.

Double Elements

Double trouble? Not necessarily. When they’re balanced, they’re amazing, and when they’re not, things can be topsy-turvy. Here is a quick look at what happens when Elements pair up with their twins:

Fire + Fire

No one can take their eyes off the inseparable double Fire couple. Everyone is drawn to their warmth and light even when they’re not looking for outside attention. Like twin flames, nothing can get between these two lovers, not even their much-adored kids. But trouble may brew if one flame burns brighter than the other, possibly because Wood is fueling one of them with sex and power. Watch out for infidelity as it can be a major stumbling block.

Earth + Earth

Two Earth people who pair off live in a world of caring one upmanship in the cutest possible way. They’ll have an enormous wedding for all of their friends and family, and even include hangover elixirs in the gift bags for the morning after the reception. Life after the wedding will be filled with involvement in their community, with one being president of the PTA and the other the head of the booster club. Their children will be absolutely adored and the center of their lives. This couple isn’t out to conquer the world with ambition, but they are effective peacetime managers. The Earth couple needs to be careful that they don’t favor one side of the family over the other, as this will cause tension.

Metal + Metal

When a Metal couple is in sync, they fire on all cylinders and get a ton accomplished. Initially, the Metal couple has to figure out how to combine all of their knowledge and procedural know-how; however, choosing a goal is a little harder for this indecisive duo. Once they’ve figured out how to align themselves towards a goal, they need to make sure to stay in sync by constantly communicating, especially during times of change. When they find they can no longer align, each person will go their own way. Kids of this couple will have firm boundaries and know exactly what is expected of them, but they may suffer from the rigidity of their parents, missing out on the warmth of Fire and the care of Earth.

Water + Water

A Water pairing could last forever because they’re flexible with each other and are able to predict better than any other Element what might get a rise out of their partner. They’re very accepting of each other and can have a philosophical outlook in the face of turmoil. The challenge with the Water couple is that neither one is into the administration of everyday life, so the house gets messy, appointments are missed, and thank the lord for auto bill pay or the lights might get shut off, too. Two Water parents may not give their kids many rules, so the kids are left to create their own structure.

Wood + Wood

A Wood duo is the ultimate power couple. If they’re balanced and share the same goal, they will support each other and can build an empire together. If they have different priorities, they can be competitive and will fight each other with the same intensity as they would any other adversary. Wood parents want to create a dynasty and are eager for their children to take over the empire, but this can be destructive if a parent’s ego takes over and makes the children feel like they will never measure up to their parents. Wood couples are the jealous types and need to make sure that a wedge is never driven between them, like a third party who openly favors one over the other.