Romancing the Elements
Of course the Five Elements impact how we show up in our romantic relationships! The elements touch every aspect of our lives, so it was just a matter of time before I started picking Erna’s brain about the influence of the elements on how we pair off with a mate.
We’re not playing matchmaker here, just shedding some entertaining light on how someone’s elemental inclinations might affect their romantic life. Or you might get a clue about what someone’s element is based on how they behave in relationships! Keep in mind: successful relationships can be achieved by any combination of partners’ elements, as long as everyone is good and balanced.
The Exciting Fire Partner
It’s no surprise that the most exciting, most romantic lovers are the Fire personalities. Fire people show up to that first date dressed for maximum impact, and they will point out and admire everything wonderful they see about you, too. As the element of empathy, Fire people quickly see you and will make you feel understood. Get ready to climb up onto your pedestal, because they’re gonna put you there and tell the world, “Yes, this phenomenal person is the one that I want!”
As you spend more time together, your Fire partner will bring magic and sparkle into your life. They create a world exclusively for you, even if it’s made of papier mâché and cloth; to you, it feels beautiful and valuable. Your Fire partner’s light will shine so brightly on you that their adoration will elevate you in the eyes of others. Even in private moments, they surround you with warmth and light. And the sex? Fire (of course).
When a Fire partner becomes imbalanced, they can easily become narcissistic. They don’t focus on you anymore; their focus has narrowed to just themselves. They’ll expect you to like what they like, and value what they value, insisting that their favorite restaurant is actually your favorite restaurant and that’s why you’re going there for the third time in two weeks (*sigh*).
This is not to say that the Fire partner will be hostile to you, just that you will have to play second fiddle to them. They have chosen you to be their consort, but they’re the monarch; they’re the star of the show, you’re just a supporting actor. Imbalanced Fire people can be particularly harsh as their lovers age because of their focus on external beauty. If you get sick, instead of focusing on you, they will make it about them by saying, “It hurts me to see you in that state, so I can’t look at you.”
The Sweet Earth Partner
Your first date with an Earth person will be filled with abundance, whether it’s with an overflowing brunch buffet or experiencing the arboretum in full bloom. No creature comforts will be sacrificed, and your date will plan for everything you need. The Earth person’s motivation isn’t so much extravagance as it is the sweetness in making sure you’re completely taken care of and have nothing to worry about.
An Earth partner will envelop you in layers of comfort and luxury. Earth is the element of care, so none of your needs will go unheeded when you’re with this mindful partner. They’ll fill up your gas when your car is running low, change out your bedroom pillows when they begin to yellow, all without having to be asked. They’re amazing at anticipating your needs before you even realize that you need something.
Your Earth partner will want to bring you into their fold, introducing you to family and friends and including you in all of their group plans, from training for a triathlon with their college buddies (they’re still in touch, naturally) to attending their family reunion. As for your physical relationship with this hyper-attentive lover, sex is an earth shattering event.
When your Earth partner is imbalanced, they can become overbearing. Everything has to be done their way, and they know what’s best for your life. When they have an excess of Earth, partners can become materialistic and obsessed with controlling money and finances. They stop thinking about what you need and force on you what they think you should have. When they are Earth-deficient, they become stale and fail to evolve; they stop exerting themselves and decide you’re not worth making a fuss over.
The Harmonious Metal Partner
Your first date with a Metal person might seem a little bit like a first-round job interview. They want to know as much as possible about the who, what, when, where, why, and hows of your life until now, and they’re willing to share these things about themselves, too – as long as you ask the right questions! For a Metal person, the best first dates will have a fluid back-and-forth, with no one person dominating the conversation. And like a successful job interview, you might just walk away feeling really good about the prospects of your compatibility.
Once you’re actually in a relationship, the balanced Metal partner will have filed away everything they learned about you in that interview to create a personal rulebook for being in a relationship with you. They'll know exactly how you like your coffee and make you a separate batch if it's different from how they take their own. They'll sort the laundry by water temperature, and hang your shirts the way they found them in your closet. They remember your Celiac disease and embarrass you at restaurants by quizzing the waiter about allergen contamination prevention measures. If a conflict arises between you, don't be surprised when they actually take notes during your conversation to resolve it.
Your Metal partner will be all about keeping the world around the two of you clear and transparent. They will be an equal partner and include you in their journey of life, planning for a bright future that considers the both of you. If any problems arise, your Metal partner will very calmly and rationally take care of it and restore harmony to your lives.
When your Metal partner is imbalanced, they can feel overwhelmed by expectations. Oftentimes these are things that they signed on for, and their burdens are largely self-imposed. Unfortunately, they can project these feelings outward, telling you that you’re not pulling your weight and that they don’t like having to do so much for you. They can also become judgmental and exacting, where everything you do is not good enough; their warmth turns into cold nitpicking and righteousness.
The Chivalrous Wood Partner
If you’re heading into a first date with a Wood personality, expect to meet someone larger than life. The Wood person is oh-so-charming, with impeccable manners and an air of grace. They do have a tendency to show off, flaunting what they do (“I’m a venture capitalist”), who they know (“I’ve met Elizabeth Holmes, I can understand how she charmed all those investors”), and where they’ve been (“I was on a yacht with her and Larry Ellison off the coast of Maui!”). But their captivating charm attenuates their boasting, so they tend to get away with it.
A Wood partner takes the mandate to “provide and protect” extremely seriously. They’ll throw you the most extravagant 40th birthday party, even if it maxes out their credit cards. They’ll always be negotiating for a higher salary. And woe to the drunken sleazeball you rebuffed at the bar — if they get in your face, the Wood type will, um, remove them.
Life with a Wood partner is an adventure, never boring and filled with crazy spontaneity. They’re the type to put vacation destinations in a hat and draw one at random to decide where you’ll go on your next holiday. They have big dreams and a lot that they want to accomplish, so be prepared to either jump on their bandwagon or not-so-gently rein them in. But they are always powerfully watching over you so that no harm can come to you.
When the Wood partner is imbalanced, the winds can cause them to change directions very quickly. They are attracted to the newest, latest thing (even if that “thing” is sometimes another person) and spontaneity can lead them to jump from one bed to another. The imbalanced Wood person will want to go from being your partner to being your leader, tyrannically forcing you to go along with their agenda. No amount of work you do will be enough for an imbalanced Wood partner, and the person who once treasured you will easily discard you.
The Calming Water Partner
Water lovers, on the other hand, seem boring in comparison to the Wood lover: not flamboyant, not showy, but more modest and humble. You’ll find that a Water person can be very quiet on a first date, leaning back and letting you do most of the talking. They are so apprehensive about making waves that they will still themselves, making themselves as reflective as glass. This can be seductive in its own way, especially for Fire types who like to admire themselves.
Water people have trouble initiating second dates, even if they’ve had a good time on that first one, and they are equally cautious about entering a relationship. But once they’ve committed, they are extremely loyal partners who will be there for you through all your ups and downs. A Water partner will accept you for who you are and wash away any of your insecurities. They always want to hear about your work drama and remind you of your best qualities when you’re too beaten down to see how good you are. Any conversation about the day’s mundane tasks and troubles has the potential to turn into a vibrant shared daydream about building your future together or how you’d fix the world’s ills. If you need some perspective, you can count on your water partner to help you see the bigger picture. They have their own long-term goals and priorities, though, so don’t expect them to fully merge with your agenda. But rest assured, they will not neglect you.
When a Water partner is imbalanced, two things can happen: they can become completely indifferent (a Water deficiency), or extremely dogmatic (an excess of Water). When they are Water deficient, they are totally stagnant and nothing matters to them. If they have an excess of Water, they will insist that you adhere to the same everything as them, whether it’s religious practices, diet and exercise routine, or even friend groups (say goodbye to any friends who don’t meet the imbalanced Water partner’s standards!). The excess Water partner will sacrifice love for dogma as wisdom and humanity slip through their fingers.
