Romantic Pairings: Complementary Couples
Now that you understand a little about your romantic style based on your Element, you might be wondering whether you and your partner make a good match. Or maybe you’re single and looking for a partner, and you want to know if someone's Element should be a part of your selection criteria.
There are no rules around which elements make the best couples – though individuals certainly have their own preferences – but each pairing does have a unique dynamic. Here are some romantic pairings between complementary partners (known in Traditional Chinese Medicine as Sheng pairings) and the dynamics you can expect:
Wood + Metal
Wood and Metal are like oil and vinegar: very different in their inherent qualities and characteristics, delicious when mixed together in the right proportions, but they require a binding agent to keep them from separating. The secret binding ingredient to a happy coupling between ambitious Wood and orderly Metal: give them a joint goal and shared vision, and the sky’s the limit.
In business, Metal can help execute the grand plans dreamed up by Wood, plans far more ambitious than Metal would have ever dreamed up, but that Wood would not have been able to manage the execution of on their own. Once the business is established, Metal will smoothly run operations while Wood drums up sales. On vacation, Wood will encourage Metal to be more adventurous, while Metal will make sure everyone has their passport and knows how to secure emergency medical services no matter where they are in the world. In doubles tennis, Metal will be steady and reliable while Wood spontaneously seizes the chance to grab an advantage. And when that binder is children, Metal will provide the family with structure while Wood leads them through the adventures and adversities of life.
Potential pitfall: Wood may have a wandering eye that Metal will absolutely not tolerate.
Fire + Water
Fire and Water pairings prove the rule “opposites attract.” Fire’s sparkly warmth and Water’s cool calm balance each other out. As a happy couple, they can run the gamut from having the heat of a steamy sauna to the serenity of a soothing warm bath. But things can get tricky when Fire shines a light so bright that Water ends up in the shadows, or when Water rises high and douses Fire’s flame.
It’s no surprise that Fire is front and center when it comes to this couple, especially in social settings. Fire is the life of the party, while Water sits back and enjoys the show. People may wonder how these two ended up together, which can be a dividing force between the couple. Fire will be unable to show off Water to their friends and might even be embarrassed by Water’s lowkey demeanor, while Water’s friends don’t see what Water likes about their shallow partner.
But Fire and Water can also balance each other in healthy ways. Fire brings warmth and excitement to Water’s life, a particularly valuable addition when they raise a family together. When fire exhibits bursts of creativity, Water’s steady encouragement can transform that energy into lasting pieces of art. And when Fire gets a little out of hand, Water can prevent Fire’s egotistic flames from turning into a narcissistic wildfire. Water’s steady hand will philosophically carry both of them through any setbacks they face in life.
Potential pitfall: Water may suppress Fire so much that Fire becomes burned out ashes.
Earth + Wood
Wood and Earth are a natural combination of fearless leader and willing and able team member. Wood’s boldness and vision are fully and capably supported by Earth’s organization and ability to make sure everyone and everything are taken care of. Wood wants to hike the Grand Canyon? Earth will make sure they have the most comfortable sleeping bags and plenty of food. Wood wants to host a charity fundraiser? Earth will make sure that there’s plenty of wine, items for the silent auction, and parking for all the guests. Wood has a way of coaxing the Earth out of potential stagnation and into full maturation mode.
Earth and Wood can be a financially successful duo, with Wood’s drive to earn money and Earth’s ability to save it and put it to good use. These are the two whose home you will admire for its elegant yet inviting luxury; while their home is an impressive (and borderline imposing) sight to see, it will have a warm, lived-in quality that makes everyone feel comfortable, like walking into a palace instead of into a castle. The children of this pairing can be overtaxed by their parents’ dynamic: if they take after Earth, the can be overwrought by the expectations of the Wood parent; if they take after Wood, they’ll feel held back by Earth’s restrains when they want to go on crazy adventures with the Wood parent and Earth puts a stop to it out of safety and caution.
Potential pitfall: Money can be a major concern because Earth wants to hoard it but Wood wants to use it for new ventures, adventures, and to acquire status symbols to be admired.
Metal + Fire
Metal and Fire make an unexpected combination. How flamboyant Fire and no-nonsense Metal manage to end up together might be one of the great mysteries of the Universe, but it is a beautiful mystery indeed. In this pairing, the glowing heat of Fire can soften Metal’s rigidity. On the flip side, Metal can lend direction to the amorphous burn of Fire.
Fire and Metal have a bit of an artist-and-manager dynamic (think Céline and René, but age-appropriate): all the passion that Fire has can be directed by Metal towards something useful. When Fire gets a creative burst of energy, Metal is very good at finding a productive outlet for it – say, letting Fire take the lead with designing the back yard, which coincidentally needed landscaping anyway.
Friends find this couple charming and elegant, warm yet sophisticated – perfect guests at any celebration. When the drama of Fire sometimes appears, Metal remains unscathed like a firewall. In turn, Fire warms up Metal’s cold efficiency, reminding them that people are often the ones who execute Metal’s processes, and should be fully considered as well. Kids of this union can get the best of both worlds: complete adoration and age-appropriate skills development. The parents need to be careful, though, that their children don’t grow up in the shadow of the sparkly Fire parent or the high-achieving Metal parent; kids can find it very difficult to find themselves when they have two parents who are very clear about who they are and who they want their kids to be.
Potential pitfall: Judgmental Metal will not only be unfazed by Fire’s natural tendency to use charm and attractiveness to get a pass from doing their duty, they’ll look down on it with disdain.
Water + Earth
Water and Earth make a very steady pair. Caring Earth likes to have a set routine, while Water is less structured. But as long as Earth feels solid, Water can stay in flow. Home life sees Earth contentedly cycling through all the routines of life, like making sure there’s always food in the fridge, all the bills are paid on time, and relatives on both sides of the family receive presents on their birthdays. Water then has the luxury to flow steadily, adjusting to the course that Earth has set and happily meandering through life.
While Earth provides solid ground for Water to traverse, Water in turn nourishes the Earth with unwavering support and encouragement; Earth’s worries settle down with the deeply committed Water partner at hand. Together, they can create a lush, blossoming garden of peace filled with friends and family. Children of this union will feel the security of care from the Earth parent and philosophical understanding from Water. Any debris life throws at these two, Water will gently wash away with time and some perspective. And although Water can sometimes be unpredictable, Earth has a way of absorbing these outbursts in a way that minimizes the mess.
Potential pitfall: When there is an earthquake that disrupts Earth’s solidity, Earth will want to quickly recover and get back to their routine. However, far-sighted Water can take a while to put things back in order and appear indifferent, which will frustrate Earth.
