Triggers and Time Travel
Triggers. Even talking about triggers can be triggering. And unless you’ve managed not to talk with anyone born in this millennium, you probably have some idea of what it means to be triggered. But let’s take a moment to get on the same page, just in case.
trig·gered
/ˈtrɪɡ.ɚd/
adjective
Experiencing a strong emotional reaction of fear, shock, anger, or worry, especially because you are made to remember something bad that has happened in the past
"With my PTSD I’m very easily triggered."
So let’s agree that when you’re triggered, this does not mean you’re mildly upset or annoyed or experiencing a garden-variety uncomfortable emotion that’s been caused by some external stimulus. Being triggered means reliving a traumatic experience because something that’s happening in the present has jolted you right back to the past. In this way, we respectfully disagree with the Cambridge Dictionary because when you remember something, you understand that the event has passed; this is not the case when you are triggered.
When you’re triggered, your mind and body are reacting as if the traumatic event is happening to you at that moment. There’s a difference between remembering that horrendous car accident you were in your senior year of high school, and watching a movie with a crash-and-bang car chase and having every muscle in your body tense in reaction. You hear the screech of the tires on the pavement and the sound of crunching metal. You feel the sensation of hurtling through the air, being completely disoriented. Your heart seizes in your chest. All this because of a movie you’re watching in the comfort of your living room.
Why does this happen?
First let’s talk about what happens in your mind when you have a negative memory, but not one that was a result of trauma. When you remember something, you’re turning it around in your mind’s eye and looking back at the past. The memory is like a snow globe that you can pick up and put back down at will (think of Pixar’s Inside Out); the feelings are just an echo of the feelings of the past.
But when you are triggered, it’s like you’ve time-traveled back to the moment when that traumatic event actually took place. The past is the present; it’s happening right now, and the feelings of anger or fear or sadness are just as intense as the actual time it happened. You can’t escape these feelings any more than you could have escaped them originally.
Let’s take a look at the difference between remembering an event, and reliving an event:
When my mom died in 2015, I was devastated. But I’d watched her health decline for the better part of a decade, and I knew it was time for her to rest. I can think back on her memorial service, on the people who grieved with our family, and it’s a somber memory, of course. But the most tragic thing I watched that day was my aunt – my mother’s dearest sister-in-law – walking up to the casket and seeing my mom.
My aunt had fairly advanced dementia by that time, so she had very little short-term memory. She knew she was at a funeral, and she’d turn to her daughter and ask, “Who died?” My cousin would reply, “Auntie Dollie.” “Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no!” my aunt would lament. “Please, walk with me so I can see her one last time.” My cousin held on to my aunt’s arm, walked her twenty feet to look into the casket, where my aunt would break down in tears. After a minute or two of violent crying – the kind where you’re wailing and can barely catch your breath – my aunt and cousin would walk back to their seats in the front row, and by the time they were seated again, my aunt would ask, “Who died?”
This went on nearly a dozen times. My cousin would tell her, my aunt would react in shock, they would walk up to the casket, where my aunt would break down and cry. They’d walk back to their seats, and my aunt would ask, “Who died?” My aunt’s grief was as raw and real each time this cycle happened as the first time she was told of my mother’s death.
This is what being triggered is like: reliving a harrowing moment all over again, with the same absolute intensity as the first time it happened. When I think back on the memory of my mother’s memorial, it is just that: a memory. I still experience shadows of that same sadness, but I know it’s over and I know how to create distance from those feelings when I’m ready to. What my aunt experienced was reliving the trauma, with absolutely no ability to distance herself from her grief.
My aunt had dementia, which is not the same as being triggered, but she was just as stuck in her Snake Brain – the part of our brains that helps us survive threats with quick, uncomplicated reactions – as someone who is triggered. Her Alarm Emotions, which alert us when something is wrong, blared each time she was told that her sister-in-law had passed away. Even though the alarm would shut off because of her lack of short-term memory, it would come back just as loud when she was reminded of my mom’s death.
This is what happens when we are triggered: our Snake Brain sets off an alarm because it recognizes some feature of a past traumatic event (the Snake Brain is very good at pattern recognition, but not at all good at situational awareness), and that alarm blares as loudly as it did during the original trauma. This is not remembering; this is reliving.
Triggers and Trauma
Being triggered is always evidence of having experienced past trauma. If someone was merely recalling a time they were upset, they’d have some emotional distance from the event. But a trauma-based trigger throws them back to a time when their Snake Brain had to decide, “Fight, flight, freeze, or fawn? What do I need to do right now to survive this situation?”
Each person’s triggered behavior is specific to them, but there are commonalities that everyone experiences: an abrupt, and sometimes acute, change in mood or behavior. Whatever their previous trajectory had been, a trigger knocks them completely off course. For example, someone who is usually rational, compassionate, and even-tempered might become inexplicably irrational, argumentative, and even cruel when triggered; a trigger can cause someone who is energetic and talkative to clam up and shut down.
This change is abrupt because when someone is triggered, their Snake Brain has been activated by a pattern they recognize. The Snake Brain has no concept of time – past or future – so being triggered comes with an enormous sense of urgency to react now, because “now” is the only time that exists. Reacting means actually re-enacting how they behaved at the time of the original trauma – whether fight, flee, freeze, or fawn – because the Snake Brain believes this is the only path to survival.
For this reason, when someone is triggered, their behavior can be completely out of character. The more thoughtful, measured Sage Brain – who is the actual reflection of the person’s character – is temporarily offline. It's critical to recognize when someone goes into fight or flight mode and there is no immediate threat, because it can be dangerous – emotionally and possibly even physically – to be around someone who is in sheer self-preservation mode; anyone can be mistaken as a threat or danger to someone who is triggered.
If you see this happening, back away slowly, figuratively speaking. Telling someone they’re triggered is as helpful as telling someone who's upset to calm down, which has never worked. Instead, try to defuse the immediate situation, then give them space to come out of their triggered state; trying to engage them in any meaningful discussion about the topic is likely to further enrage them (more on this below). Stay out of the line of fire and give them time to let their Snake Brain calm down by seeing that there is no immediate threat to their survival. This can take an hour or two, a day or two, or even longer. While you wait, try to put a pin in any decisions that need to be made, since the Snake Brain is unable to make decisions that affect the long-term future.
When You’re Triggered
It’s hard to know when you’re triggered unless it’s happened enough times that you now understand your reaction pattern. My triggered response is to “freeze” or shut down. When I’m triggered, I stop talking – a rarity, since I’m usually teeming with words. I can continue to go through the motions of the immediate task at hand (with tremendous effort!), but if someone speaks to me, I cannot express myself at all. I hole up with an activity that distracts me from my jumbled thoughts (like playing Candy Crush) until I find the right words to express my feelings.
You have a good chance of coming down from your triggered state if you remember that everyone’s triggered response involves an abrupt change in mood or behavior, and you recognize your own sudden urge to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn. If you experience these feelings of urgency, try to let them pass by continuing with your usual routine, if at all possible. Spend time connecting with a friend or other safe person, one who will not escalate your triggered state even further. Interpersonal connections (not just interactions!) require you to engage the Sage Brain.
If you’re on your own during this time, think about the past traumatic event that happened and compare how your current situation is different from that one. The “pattern” your Snake Brain recognized was probably just a fragment from what transpired during the original trauma, and is not in and of itself a threat. If there is an actual threat, then assess the timeline you have to deal with the situation. The Snake Brain does not have a concept of time; only the Sage Brain can conceive of and execute a sensible plan to deal with a situation.
And if all else fails, give yourself time to calm down, just like the grace you would give to someone else you recognize as being triggered. Being triggered is energy-draining and does not come cheap energy-wise, even if you are not physically or mentally active. So be kind to yourself, make sure to take a rest or even pamper yourself, and wait this trigger out until you are able to deploy one of the methods that helps re-engage the Sage Brain.
Talking to a Triggered Person
When a person is actively triggered, or hasn’t fully recovered from being triggered, they are extremely sensitive and can be easily upset or their triggered state can escalate. It’s like someone who has elevated histamine levels because they’re suffering from seasonal allergies: because their body is already on heightened alert, they can react to other allergens that would not normally bother them.
Consider a family friend of mine, a woman working in a high-stress industry. At the beginning of her professional life, she was preparing for a career-defining licensure exam – a make-or-break test. Anxious and nervous, she went to her advisor, a teacher she’d known for years, and confessed she was terrified she wasn’t ready and would fail. But the professor was distracted by his own troubles. “Why do you have such a bad attitude?” he snapped. “You’ve always had this problem. You have the skills. You’re only going to fail if you’re not confident.”
When she looked for comfort from a friend about feeling discouraged, and her well-meaning friend said, “Try to have a positive attitude about these things!” she fell even deeper into that defensive, triggered state, when normally such a comment wouldn’t get much of a rise out of her. Her body and emotions were already on heightened alert because she was prepared to defend herself from another attack. This poor friend unwittingly entered into the line of fire, seen as an aggressor who must also be defended against. Now both she and her friend were worse off.
She passed, but that comment stuck with her. To this day, she is triggered by the suggestion that she is perfectly capable of meeting challenges, but fails to because her “bad attitude” holds her back. It puts her right back in that make-or-break situation in which a trusted mentor betrayed her, and condemned her for having a character flaw that could cost her her livelihood and future.
When you are taking time to re-regulate after being triggered, or if you’re helping someone come out of a triggered state, changing the subject is a great idea. Acknowledge what the person is upset about, but that’s where you should leave the topic. And if it’s you who’s triggered, don’t be afraid to say, “Can we talk about that another time? I just can’t right now.” There’s no need for further explanation. Redirecting someone’s attention when they’re triggered will allow them to come out of their triggered state more quickly. Then, the subject can be taken up again when their Sage Brain is back online.
Conclusion
When you have suffered from any form of trauma, one of the most difficult things to deal with is being triggered. You’ve already passed the crisis, but your mind can throw you back into those feelings in an instant. Unfortunately, you can’t inoculate yourself from ever being triggered again. But if we can learn to recognize the signs of a triggered state – in ourselves and in others – then we have a shot at not letting the original trauma cause any additional damage.